Telephone TerrorsSome of you might know what it's like to be afraid of the telephone--some more than others. I seem to have developed "phone fears", "dialing distress", and "answering apprehension" to an art. It's not that I don't like talking to people; I rather enjoy a good conversation. My problems all deal entirely with, and are only posed by, phone conversations (ok, a few can be run into when chatting/instant messaging online, but only sort-of . . . ah, you'll see what I mean).
Problem #1:You need a specific reason to call someone on the phone.
At least, a reason is expected by common practices and views. Whereas it is easy to come across someone and strike up a conversation or notice that someone's online and say (well, type) "hey", it is quite a different thing to pick up the phone, dial someones number (which, if you have a memory like mine, generally has to be looked up somehow), and what? say "hi, I just called for the sake of calling", or perhaps "I just felt like I should call--wanted to keep in touch, you know". If you aren't calling your significant other, it may be taken the wrong way if you said something like "I just wanted to hear your voice". Sometimes, I feel like calling and saying "Well, I just wanted to catch up with you--find out how you're doing, let you know how I'm doing, that sort of thing," but that not only sounds odd (why not just email? or wait until you had something worthwhile to say?), the opportunity rarely comes when it can actually be said.
Generally, after the exchange of "hello"s, there is an expectant silence from the . . . call-ee? . . . as he/she waits for the caller to speak. It is during this expectant silence that Problem #2 begins to be felt, quite acutely, by the caller. Silences during phone calls are not only uncomfortable, they are taboo. The caller may begin, at this point, to wonder just why they did call and if it was really worth it, whatever the reason was. Things may be made easier if the call-ee has something to say to the caller and only later thinks to ask why the caller called in the first place (unforseen circumstances on either side may also be helpful, but--then again--might just lead into Problem #3), in which case the caller can just voice the verbal equivalent of a shrug--"No reason", "Doesn't matter", etc.
Things become further complicated if the call-ee is exceptionally busy/frazzled at the time of the call. The caller may imagine the call-ee thinking things like "they bothered me now for
that?" or "why did I have to answer the phone?". Or, what if the person isn't home? Answering machine Anxieties crop up. (Should I just hang up? you wonder, or should I leave a message saying I called? What if they call back and ask why I called only to find my reason isn't important enough? Do they have CallerID--if they do, I can't just hang up, but if they don't . . . you get the idea.)
With cell phones it's even worse--don't even get me started on them . . .
Problem #2:Phone conversations leave no time for thought and no opportunity for non-verbal communication, either.
This fact becomes exceptionally prominent in the forefront of ones brain when an uncomfortable silence falls during a phone conversation. What more need be said?
Problem #3:
There is no way of knowing what the other person in a telephone conversation is doing--and they have no way of knowing what you are doing, either.
This means that the chances of having a conversation with someone who is not multitasking in some way are highly unlikely. It also means that you, as a call-ee or a caller, are more likely to be tempted to multitask and less likely to give 100% of your attention to the conversation. Not a very good communication tactic . . . Also, background noises tend to give hints of what's going on and it is hard to tell just what the other person knows you can hear or what they, themselves, can hear from your end; a fact which creates unique situations and dilemmas.
When chatting/Instant Messaging, you also don't know what the other person is doing--in fact, they could be carrying on five conversations online, one on the phone, playing games and doing homework at the same time and you could have no idea. The difference is, you
don't care. No strange silences/sounds arise because of their multitasking--in fact, it is expected that you are doing any number of things when you are online.
Problem #4:
You never know who might answer (yes, even with cell phones).Have you ever called someone--either on a cell phone only they should have or someone who lives alone--and had no idea who answered the phone? Or answered the phone and been mistaken for someone else? Recieved or called wrong numbers? If so, then you know why this is a problem.
Aside from the obvious difficulties associated with this problem, there is also the chance that the person who answers the phone--while not the person you intended to call--knows you and begins to talk to you. This is fine, usually, but it tends to make a quick phone call long or a long phone call longer. What is worse is when the person who answers hangs up when they're done talking to you (apparently forgetting that
you called
them), or you forget your reason for calling, leaving you wondering whether you should call back immediately to try to get the person you called for in the first place--chancing that the other person will answer the phone--or wait and call later. Or, perhaps, forget the call entirely. This Dialing Dilemma is not easily solved by those who don't wish to embarrass themselves or anyone else and enjoy avoiding any confusing situation.
There are other contributing problems to Telephone Terrors, but I think you get my drift . . . and, if you have never experiences Answering Anxiety or Phone Frustration, perhaps you understand why some people do.
